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Jokes Thread
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18th Jul 08, 02:05 PM
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First thing this morning, there was a tap on my door.
Funny sense of humour my plumber has.
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The Edge… there is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over.
Hunter S. Thompson
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18th Jul 08, 02:05 PM
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A man walks into a petrol station and says, "Can I please have a KitKat Chunky."
The lady behind the till gets him a KitKat Chunky and brings it back to him.
"No," says the man, "I wanted a normal KitKat, fatty"
__________________
The Edge… there is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over.
Hunter S. Thompson
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18th Jul 08, 02:07 PM
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I was walking in a cemetery this morning and i spotted a bloke hiding behind a gravestone. I said "morning."
He replied, "No, just having a shit."
(clean????) :/
__________________
The Edge… there is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over.
Hunter S. Thompson
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18th Jul 08, 02:07 PM
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I can't think of anything worse, after a night of drinking, than waking up next to someone and not being able to remember their name, or how you met, or why they are dead.
__________________
The Edge… there is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over.
Hunter S. Thompson
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18th Jul 08, 02:08 PM
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I was at a cash machine when an old lady came up to me and asked to check her balance.
So I pushed her over
__________________
The Edge… there is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over.
Hunter S. Thompson
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18th Jul 08, 02:09 PM
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A dog is truly a man's best friend.
If you don't believe it, just try this experiment.
Lock your dog and your wife in the boot of the car for an hour.
When you open the boot, which one is really happy to see you?
__________________
The Edge… there is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over.
Hunter S. Thompson
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18th Jul 08, 02:10 PM
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How many of the Lost cast does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one, but it will take 20 episodes.
__________________
The Edge… there is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over.
Hunter S. Thompson
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18th Jul 08, 02:10 PM
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How many children with Attention Deficit Disorder does it take to change a lightbulb?
Let's go ride our bikes!
__________________
The Edge… there is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over.
Hunter S. Thompson
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18th Jul 08, 02:11 PM
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Husband and wife...
BEFORE MARRIAGE:
Husband - Aaah! ...At last! I can hardly wait!
Wife - Do you want me to leave?
Husband - No! Don't even think about it.
Wife - Do you love me?
Husband - Of course! Always have and always will!
Wife - Have you ever cheated on me?
Husband - No! Why are you even asking?
Wife - Will you kiss me?
Husband - Every chance I get!
Wife - Will you hit me?
Husband - Hell no! Are you crazy?!
Wife - Can I trust you?
Husband - Yes.
Wife - Darling!
AFTER MARRIAGE: read from bottom to top.
__________________
The Edge… there is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over.
Hunter S. Thompson
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18th Jul 08, 02:23 PM
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Real Name: Steve....honest guv!
Age: 45
Gender: Male
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Location: Lowestoft.
0.00 miles this week
810.98 miles this year
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You got a joke book ?
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One small step for man.....
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18th Jul 08, 02:52 PM
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.....something like that!
...........its a struggle finding the most "acceptable" ones!
__________________
The Edge… there is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over.
Hunter S. Thompson
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18th Jul 08, 02:54 PM
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Age: 34
Gender: Male
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Location: Edinburgh, Scotland
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then post some unacceptable ones  |
18th Jul 08, 04:11 PM
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Real Name: The Stig
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Admin & Techie
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The concerns have been moved to here so the jokes thread can stay as a jokes thread.
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21st Jul 08, 10:04 AM
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Age: 24
Gender: Male
Co-admin
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Location: Warwickshire
11.19 miles this week
1,206.27 miles this year
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Some great jokes there... really brightened my morning |
21st Jul 08, 10:45 AM
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Real Name: Kerry
Age: 22
Gender: Female
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Location: Oldham
0.00 miles this week
89.23 miles this year
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Engineering In Hell
An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer -- you're in the wrong place."
So, the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After awhile, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day, God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"
Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."
God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."
Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."
God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."
Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
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