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Imagine you're moving along in a jeep, travelling at a constant speed.
To your left is a sheer drop, to your right is a fire engine travelling in the same direction at the same speed. In front of you is (believe it or not) a galloping pig, approximately the same size as your vehicle, again travelling at the same speed as you. You are not able to maneouvre around the pig.
Behind you is a helicopter, flying at ground level.

What should you do to safely escape the situation... :confused:











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.... Get off the bloody Kids merry-go-round you pisshead! :p
 

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that was good I was going to ask in what direction was the pig running but don't need to now :d
 

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Not really a conundrum but hey ho

Three men die together in an accident and go to heaven

When they get there, ST Peter says,"We only have one rule here in heaven :don't step on the ducks!"

So they enter and sure enough, there are ducks everywhere.It is almost impossible to not to step on a duck and although they try their best the first man accidently steps on one.

Along comes ST Peter with the ugliest woman he has ever seen.

ST Peter chains them togerther and says "your punishment for stepping on a duck is to be chained for all eternity to this ugly woman.

The next day the same fate befalls the second man with the same outcome.

The third man has observed all this and not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly woman is very very careful where he steps

He manages to go for months without stepping on any ducks ,but one day ST PETER comes up to him with the most beautiful woman he has ever seen.

ST Peter chains them together with out saying a word The happy man says "i wonderwhat i did to deserve being chained to you for all eternity

The woman replies i dont know about you but i stepped on a duck
 

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I read this joke this morning and laughed with tears rolling down my cheeks, I hope you find this funny and it brightens your Friday. :d

Why females should avoid a girls night out after they are married....
If this does not make you laugh out loud, you have lost your sense of
humor.
The other night I was invited out for a night with the "girls."
I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!"
Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily.
Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home.
Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up
and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another
9 times.
I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted
solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him.
(Even when totally smashed... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals = 12 cuckoos
MIDNIGHT!)
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him
"MIDNIGHT"... he didn't seem p***** off in the least.
Whew, I got away with that one! Then he said "We need a new cuckoo
clock."
When I asked him why, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed
three times, then said "oh shit." Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its
throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then
tripped over the coffee table and farted.
 

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PMSL

A man is walking down the street with a long pole. Another man says to him, "are you a pole vaulter"? The man with the pole replies, "No, I am German, how did you know my name was walter"?
 

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What have colonic irrigation and a trip to the physio got in common?



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They both leave you about 25 pounds lighter:eek:
 
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